Doug’s story

Finding our family’s path forward

My twin brother and I care for our mom, Ada. She’s 91 years old, a former schoolteacher and someone who’s always had a sharp sense of humour. A few years ago, we started noticing small changes. She was repeating questions more often and forgetting little things that she typically would remember. At first, we thought these were just signs of aging, but soon realized something wasn’t quite right.

After a health assessment, we learned our mom was in the early stages of dementia. There wasn’t a specific type diagnosed, but it helped us understand what was happening and how to move forward. We connected with the Alzheimer Society when we heard about a support group in Brandon. 

When we attended the support group for adult children caring for parents living with dementia, it made all the difference. Being in a room with people who truly understand what you’re dealing with gives you perspective — you learn what might come next, but you also learn what’s working right now. It lifts a weight you don’t always realize you’re carrying. Most importantly, you leave feeling better than when you arrived.

Our goal has always been to help mom stay comfortable, supported and living a life that still feels familiar. The Alzheimer Society has helped us feel less alone and more prepared to give her that support. 

I don’t see dementia as something to hide or be ashamed of. To me, it’s a condition, like cancer or anything else with which you might be diagnosed. Some people might have a stigma around it, but I don’t. I think talking about it helps the people around us understand and respond with more empathy.

 My advice to others caring for a parent

Here are a few pieces of advice I’d like to pass along to others helping a parent living with dementia.

• Reach out to the Alzheimer Society for support early. You don’t have to wait until things feel overwhelming.
• Talk about it. Open conversations make caregiving easier.
• Take care of yourself, too. Supporting someone else is hard work, so give yourself the space you need to be your best self. 
• Remember you’re not alone. There’s a community ready to walk alongside you when you need it.