Understanding Our Bereavement Support Group
There is something unique about dealing with the loss of someone who lived with dementia. Often, care partners have already been losing this person slowly, and then when they are physically gone, the loss can be further complicated by other feelings that may not have been resolved.
Nothing can replace the understanding and validation that comes from a group of people experiencing similar circumstances. ‘I’ve been there, I hear you,’ means so much more coming from someone who is going through it themselves.
Our Bereavement Support Group helps people work through these intricate and confusing feelings in a safe space led by facilitators who have the knowledge and expertise needed to understand the complications dementia brings to the grieving process.
“We establish an atmosphere of mutual respect and confidentiality during that first session,” says Thomas Steur, First Link® Client Support Coordinator and one of the facilitators of the group. “We all agree not to judge ourselves or other people, which helps set the tone for the rest of the sessions.”
The group is together for nine sessions with a different topic of discussion each week. It’s a balance of open conversation and education, including some tips and strategies on how to cope.
A challenging misconception that group members talk about is the feeling that their friends or family think they have already done their grieving. There’s an idea that the anticipatory grief that comes with dementia somehow prepares a care partner to navigate the death of the person more easily.
“This is not true,” says Thomas. “A loss is a loss. A death is a death. Your experience is valid and what you are going through is yours and yours alone. There is no time frame or specific stages you have to go through to heal.”
Feelings of guilt can also come up for care partners when experiencing the loss of someone living with dementia. Some may question the decisions they made while caregiving or wonder whether or not they provided enough support.
“Often death is far from being a relief, in fact, things can become even more complicated when someone has additional time to address feelings they may have put aside,” explains Thomas. “That’s what we’re here for, to help people process these difficult feelings.”
Care partners can also be left with an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. When you lose someone who was living with dementia, you also lose their support team – their doctor, homecare coordinator, health-care workers or long-term care staff.
“It can feel like the rug is pulled right out from under you,” describes Thomas. “We just want people to know they are not alone and whatever they go through next, we continue to be there for them.”
For more information about this group and to register, please contact the Alzheimer Society at 204-943-6622 (Winnipeg), 1-800-378-6699 (Manitoba) or alzmb@alzheimer.mb.ca.