Arlene #ilivewithdementia

Society Helps Family Through the High Waters of Dementia

Arlene Sinclair’s family, including her father, Vernon Spence, were evacuated to Winnipeg from their home at Peguis First Nation during the 2011 flood in Manitoba. Although Vernon had been showing signs of dementia before this upheaval, it was during the extended stay in Winnipeg – 190 kilometers south of Peguis – that his symptoms became more obvious.

“He would get out of bed at 5 am and go outside in the cold – he thought he was in Peguis,” says Arlene. “One time, we were at Polo Park mall, and we lost him. A security guard found him – it was really scary.”

When the family returned to Peguis, Vernon went back to his home, where he lived alone. At first, Arlene checked in on him regularly, but eventually her role changed to one of caregiver. “Sometimes it was really tough,” says Arlene. “The hard side of his personality would come out, and he’d get mad and swear at me.”

At the time, Arlene admits that she and her family didn’t know much about dementia and its effects. Her dad’s reactionary behaviour made her frustrated and upset.

Then she made contact with the Alzheimer Society of Manitoba, and all that changed.

A Calming Effect

After attending Telehealth education sessions offered in the community, Arlene learned new ways to communicate with her father, who now lives in a care home. She talks quietly to him, standing directly in front of him so he can clearly see her and feel her presence. She touches his hand, gently rubbing the skin between his thumb and forefinger.

“It calms him,” says Arlene.

Arlene and her husband of two years, Christopher, have twice attended the Society’s annual Care4u Family Conference. Christopher also wants to learn as much as he can about dementia so he can assist Arlene in caring for her father.

“When I met Vernon, it was the first time I’d ever known a person with dementia, and I just didn’t understand,” says Christopher. “The sessions helped me figure out how to support Arlene better.”

Both say they appreciate being with other families at the conference who know what they are going through. “I want to spread the word about the Alzheimer Society to others in my community whose family members are getting older,” says Arlene.

Today, Arlene’s dad is at the stage where he sleeps a lot and doesn’t talk. Still, Arlene is convinced that somewhere down deep, he knows who she is.


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